Oscar was so worried about going to court – He kept asking us whether Paul would be able to “get to him”.
This guest blog is written by Yvonne*, whose grandson – just 5 at the time – had to face a horrific court experience after being abused by his dad.
“When my daughter Selina* first met her husband Paul* she was smitten. We were happy that she was so in love. Paul bought her flowers, took her out places and looked after her. He was always pleasant and well-mannered with us. Selina was really happy.
“When their son Oscar* was born Paul seemed to change. He seemed distant from Oscar and didn’t like spending time with him. His relationship with Selina had changed too; he had become very controlling and was angry a lot of the time, shouting at her and at Oscar. Paul’s temper would flare when Oscar couldn’t do things, even as a baby. Many times I heard Paul call Oscar ‘stupid’ or ‘a little brat’, he never seemed to have any patience with him. I would tell Paul not to shout but he wouldn’t listen. I noticed that Selina had become distant and withdrawn and not the young bubbly woman she once was. She had lost her confidence.
“Oscar first told me his Daddy was hurting him when he was 2½ years old. I thought he meant that Paul had rough hands when he was dressing him or putting on lotion as I’d never seen him be physically violent with Oscar. It didn’t cross my mind that Paul was abusing him. It’s the last thing you think of.
“As Oscar grew older his behaviour changed. It felt like he was regressing back to being a baby, wanting to drink from a bottle instead of a cup and wetting and soiling himself where previously he’d been potty trained. Selina was also being told that Oscar was being aggressive at nursery, and had bruises that neither Oscar nor Selina could explain.
“As Paul became more and more aggressive, Selina realised she couldn’t put up with his behaviour anymore and moved in with us. Oscar seemed a lot happier living with us and away from his Dad and didn’t seem to miss him at all. His behaviour at nursery improved and he stopped wetting the bed. One day Oscar thanked me and when I asked why, he said “for making me safe”.
“A few months later Oscar told Selina what his Dad had been doing to him. He disclosed that Paul had been sexually abusing him. He was just four years old. My world crumbled.
“Over the next few weeks as we tried to come to terms with what Oscar had said, we reported the abuse to our doctor, and the Police and Children’s Services and Paul was arrested and charged with sexual activity with a child. Oscar had to go through medical examinations and doctors found medical evidence of sexual abuse he’d described. He continued to tell us in detail the things that Paul had done to him and we reported everything he said to the police. We had faith that everything we were telling them was going towards building a case against Paul so Oscar would be safe from him forever.
“It took over a year for the case to get to court. In that time we tried to keep things as normal as possible for Oscar. He had been assessed and examined and questioned by so many people that he was scared of strangers and we were worried about how he was going to cope in the court case. We were in contact with Victim Support and a volunteer came to the house with a book about the court room in child-friendly language and talked Oscar through what was going to happen on the day. They also made arrangements for us to visit the court room with Oscar so he could see the video room where he’d be giving evidence and the courthouse where people could watch him on the screen.
“The day we visited the court, Oscar was overwhelmed. We tried to make it fun for him, showing him his secret entrance that no one else could use and telling him he was going to be on TV. As we were given the tour we realised why he was so subdued, he was worried about being in the same building as his Dad.
“After the visit Oscar was really agitated, he was suddenly worried about the court case and being so close to Paul. He kept asking us whether Paul would be able to “get to him” which was heart-breaking. He began to regress again and we felt like we were losing our little boy to the sexual abuse he’d been through.
“On the day of the trial we were so glad to have our separate court entrance so there was no chance of Oscar seeing Paul in the court house. The witness room we were given had lots of toys and video games for Oscar to play with yet I could tell he wasn’t happy. He was really unsettled and was worried again about Paul being so close. In the past, Paul had threatened Oscar to keep silent about the abuse by telling him that he’d take his Mum and grandparents away. Oscar was worried that with Paul being so close he could follow through with his threats.
“We were devastated to find out that the Victim Support volunteer who Oscar had met and come to trust wasn’t available to sit with him in the video conference room. Oscar was introduced to a stranger who he didn’t know or feel comfortable with and then taken to the video evidence suite to give his evidence. Oscar already felt unsafe and unsettled at the court and not having someone he knew with him seemed the last straw. To add to this, the court didn’t allow us to submit the medical evidence of the sexual abuse after Paul’s legal team successfully appealed against its inclusion. It meant a lot rested on Oscar’s evidence.
“Oscar was nervous and agitated going into the questioning. He was only 5 years old at the time of the trial and didn’t like being away from people he knew and being asked distressing questions about the abuse he’d been through. We’d never heard of Registered Intermediaries and so Oscar didn’t have any support understanding the questions, some of which were graphic questions about the abuse which upset him. Oscar’s evidence lasted less than 30 minutes because he felt unable to speak.
“After giving evidence Oscar returned to the witness room but wasn’t allowed to see his mum or spend any time with me. He became hysterical with worry that Paul had taken Selina away and he wouldn’t see her again. It was awful.
“Since the trial Oscar has disclosed more information about the abuse and told us there is more that he remembers but he doesn’t like talking about it. He’s explicitly told us that he’s worried that if he tells us everything he remembers, he’ll be made to go back and see that “man in the wig again who scared and upset me”. He found the trial so distressing that he’s frozen from disclosing more of his awful memories.
“We’re still living with the effects of the abuse and the court case. Oscar lives in fear that Paul will get to him. We live behind locked gates, bolted doors and security cameras because that’s the only way Oscar feels safe. When we go into town to go shopping with Oscar we’re careful not to drive past the courtroom as it upsets Oscar and brings back the memories of the day.
“We feel like the court system failed us, failed Oscar and didn’t bring us justice. Had Oscar been able to give evidence from a remote site away from his abuser, with the support of someone he knew and trusted in the video evidencing room I know he would have felt strong and safe enough to tell the whole story of the horrific abuse he’d been through and Paul would be behind bars and safely away from other children.”
*Names and identifying details have been changed to protect individual’s identity.
Please take a moment to sign our e-petition so that children like Oscar don’t have to go to court to give their evidence. Thank you.